You said you were tired of people telling you to just have faith. I agreed that too often people say that as opposed to studying, thinking and investigating. However, feeling like you need to understand everything is also not a good idea for 1 reasons.
First, the need to understand everything keeps you from progressing. I’ll use this line and points as an example.
___________A B____________C D__________E _________
Imagine that the line represents your understanding of God and his relationship with you and the gaps are what you don’t understand. If you think you need to understand everything, you will get to point A, and stop. Where as if you decide you don’t need to understand everything to go on, you can progress much further down the line.
Also, your understanding of the gaps often comes once you have chosen to proceed past them in faith. You’ve heard the phrase “hindsight is 20-20”. That can be true in our relationships too.
Second, if you can understand your God, is he much of a God? I mean really, we have finite minds and short life experiences and we expect to be able to understand the wisdom of a all-knowing eternal God? If we could understand him easily, he wouldn’t be worthy of our homage!