Here is a story that may give you some hope and insight.
There once was a young monk who was frustrated with his prayer life and his study of the Bible. He went to an older monk to talk to him about it. The older monk listened, and then told the young monk to take a basket, fill it with sand, and place it outside his door. Every morning the young monk was to pray to God for enlightenment, read the his Bible, and then pour a bucket of water on the basket of sand. After 3 months, the young monk was to return to the older monk and bring the basket with him.
The young monk thought the instructions were rather strange, but out of respect he followed them. Three months later he returned to the old monk carrying an empty basket. The older monk asked the young monk “What happened to the sand that was in the basket?”
The young monk replied “It was all washed away by the water.”
“Do you know what drop of water washed away what grain of sand?” asked the older monk.
“Of course I don’t know that.” The young monk answered.
The old monk responded: “The sand represents the sin in your life. The water is the Word of God and prayer. Prayer and the Word will wash away your sinful acts and thoughts just as the water washed away the sand. But you will not know what Word or what prayer washed away what sin any more than you can know what drop of water washed away what grain of sand.” The young monk thanked the older monk, picked up his basket, filled it with sand, and put it outside his door again.
Because of the awesomeness of our God and His Word, only God can reveal it to us. Thank you Holy Spirit! So as you read, never forget to start with a prayer asking God to open your ears and more importantly your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the Word to you, and ask Him to give you the courage, and love, and humility to be changed by it. The Holy Spirit will honor that prayer. Sometimes He will wait to reveal something till you are at a point in your life where you really need it. Sometimes He may let you wonder in darkness so you appreciate His light. But in the end, He will reveal to you what is best for you, if you are willing to accept it.
Beginner’s Online Bible Study *obbs*