1 Corinthians (The Message Version unless otherwise noted)
1 Corinthians 7
To Be Married, to Be Single . . .
1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2-6Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
Jesus, I need to serve my wife's needs so much better. I know I want a great sex life, but all that does is pressure her. She doesn't need any more pressure. We are not often "on the same page" in this matter, but that is just a call to me to serve her. Help me to be single minded in serving You by serving her and meeting her where she is.
And Lord, I give my struggles, and frustration and desires to You. Crucify them Lord. Keep me pure. Be my strength and hope.
Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times.
Jesus, help me see the times when my needs are not met as a time for me to dedicate myself to prayer and fasting. If I accept my wife's desire and agree to it, and dedicate myself to prayer, then it turns what is now a struggle full o frustration into a time for me to be closer to You. She is such a good woman Lord when we are getting along. Help me cherish and love her and be the husband You would be for her.
Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. 7Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
8-9I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
10-11And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master's command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.
12-14For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.
Jesus, I know I don't deserve it, but please, have a holy purpose for my children. Please Lord, bring them all home. Please Jesus, choose them as You chose me, for no reason known to me, and bring them to You.
15-16On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go. You don't have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.
17And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don't think I'm being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.
Jesus, thank-you for these words. It is good to know that this is where I belong. When things are difficult, and the people I'm with don't even want me around, help me cling to Your words here. Help me live for You, in Your love and peace, right where I am, whether wanted or not.
18-19Were you Jewish at the time God called you? Don't try to remove the evidence. Were you non-Jewish at the time of your call? Don't become a Jew. Being Jewish isn't the point. The really important thing is obeying God's call, following his commands.
20-22Stay where you were when God called your name. Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don't mean you're stuck and can't leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. I'm simply trying to point out that under your new Master you're going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you'll experience a delightful "enslavement to God" you would never have dreamed of.
Jesus, please free me from sin and enslave me to You. You know I can be a very obsessed person. Please help me to be totally obsessed with You. It is the only hope I have of being free from the sins that plague my life. Please Jesus, change me, free me, keep me. Help!
23-24All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.
Jesus, don't let me backslide into where I was. I am so far from perfect, but I am so far from what I was. Yet I know I can fall back. I've fallen back before. Break my old habits and my old ways. Somehow put an end to that old person and the temptation to go back to that awful life.
25-28The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins, but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don't get married. But there's certainly no sin in getting married, whether you're a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible.
Jesus, marriage does add a lot of stress. Children add even more. My life is about stressed out right now. I know I've added a ton of stress to my wife's life. I don't think I've ever given her a blessing, not one. Will it ever change Lord? Will the pressure ever go away and will we ever be relaxed and loving and at ease with each other? Will I ever bring my wife some happiness? Will she ever be glad she married me? Make me a better husband Lord and a better father. Change me.
29-31I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don't complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple —in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out.
Jesus, I have complicated my life so much with the things of this world. I have a business, and investments, and "stuff" I own. It is a mess and it makes things very messy. I am so tied to this earth. I know exactly what You mean. Just this morning I got up at 3:30 am because I was worried about some business processes. I then worked first instead of praying first. I am sorry. Now, how do I simplify this life? Help Lord.
32-35I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
36-38If a man has a woman friend to whom he is loyal but never intended to marry, having decided to serve God as a "single," and then changes his mind, deciding he should marry her, he should go ahead and marry. It's no sin; it's not even a "step down" from celibacy, as some say. On the other hand, if a man is comfortable in his decision for a single life in service to God and it's entirely his own conviction and not imposed on him by others, he ought to stick with it. Marriage is spiritually and morally right and not inferior to singleness in any way, although as I indicated earlier, because of the times we live in, I do have pastoral reasons for encouraging singleness.
Jesus, I have chosen to marry, and I am so glad I did. I know it is what You wanted for me. But it is hard and complicated. Help me to be the best husband I can be. You have called me to this place but I can only fulfill Your will with a lot of help from You. This is way past my ability Lord. Change me and guide me so our marriage can be what You have always intended it to be.
39-40A wife must stay with her husband as long as he lives. If he dies, she is free to marry anyone she chooses. She will, of course, want to marry a believer and have the blessing of the Master. By now you know that I think she'll be better off staying single. The Master, in my opinion, thinks so, too.